Survivor's Guilt

As I write this, one of my oldest friends who was in my "inner circle" group of friends in high school, is dying.   She's my age - 46.   She got pregnant about two years ago (surprise baby - she also has two older daughters), and in the midst of her pregnancy, discovered she had Inflammatory Breast Cancer.   She went through chemo while pregnant, gave birth to a healthy baby girl, and has been fighting for her life ever since.  She had a bilateral mastectomy, underwent more chemo, etc.   She's had all kinds of issues.

She's home now, resting, in and out of consciousness.

And it's killing me.   How does this damn beast pick and choose its players?  Why does she have to go?   Leaving behind a loving husband (highschool sweethearts), and three girls, one of whom isn't even two yet? 

I've lost people to mom the most important.  I've lost friends off this blog.  But never someone my age, who I've known for so long.   I'm so sad...and seriously never understood survivor's guilt until now. 

While I hope she rallies, I doubt it.  The prognosis isn't good.

I'm just in a dark place...wondering wtf.


Joyce In NC, Leslie sent you a prayer.
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I'm so sorry, Diane! I have felt survivor's guilt so many times, I've lost count--most recently when I learned that one of my childhood friends died of ovarian cancer on June 5th. It truly sucks. God bless her husband and daughters.
You're not alone.... Survivors Guilt posted 2010

It can be rough over time..
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I am so sorry about your friend and her family. I am impressed with prenatal care and have read of so many being dx'ed with cancer during pregnancy. Many times it can save both the mother and baby's lives.

I don't know the answer to why. Life is difficult for many which is why we have to enjoy whatever fleeting love and happiness enters and try not to take it for granted. My prayers are with you, your friend and her family.
I AM SO VERY, VERY SORRY. I wish I could tell you why but I can't. I was 52 with twin daughters in high school when I had it the first time in 1994. I had it again in 2005. I have wondered so many, many times WHY I am still here 20 years later when so many of the people I took chemo with are no longer here. I am very thankful to still be here to see my first great grandchild but I still hurt so much for the ones that didn't make it. I will be praying for a miracle for your dear friend. Don't give up hope just yet and be there for her.
So sorry to hear this. I have gone through this a couple of times through people I have met at my cancer group--both women similar age to me with young kids...cancer doesn't make any sense--no matter. Take care. XO
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Vital Info


September 16, 2010

Tulsa, Oklahoma

February 9, 1968

Cancer Info

Breast Cancer


September 14, 2010

Stage 1

0.1 - 1.0 cm

Grade 1






I am indeed blessed.

November 22, 2010

Yes. 2019

2019 - new mass in left breast. 2010- None - I found a lump, which turned out to by a cyst. That cyst was hiding one of the cancer tumors. The other tumor was closer to my chest wall.


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